A woman’s self-expression and role in society has never seen so much transformation as it has in the past 50 years. Never have women had so much ability to exercise their own independence, freedom and competence. The women’s movement has indeed made big strides that have moved modern women forward, but are their relationships unknowingly paying the price?
Many couples come into my practice where the woman is burned out, unsupported and feeling like she is shouldering the responsibility of keeping the family going. Often, it’s these women that say they are looking for more leadership from their husbands. When we drill down to see exactly what this means, we see that she would like him to get more involved with how things run in the household…get more involved with the kids…make more of the plans around family outings so that she doesn’t feel like she’s doing it all by herself. If you are a woman reading this, you need to consider a few things about men that will make it easier to get those things you say you want.
Firstly, consider that it’s a strong possibility that you inadvertently took these things over yourself because you wanted them all done a certain way. He stepped back because he got the “I’ve got this” message from you, and now he’s been “trained” to let you handle it all.
Secondly, consider that he wasn’t sure about what was expected of him, and he lacked confidence in what he was doing. Rather than get it all wrong, he simply let you take over and doesn’t want to upset the status quo.
Here’s the best place to start to get him more involved so that you don’t feel you’re doing it all yourself:
- Stop thinking that just because you want something, you must either go get it or do it yourself. Old mind sets can die hard.
- Not only do you have to be willing to ask for what you want, you have to be willing to pass off the fulfilling of the request to your husband.
- Be willing to accept and appreciate how he gives it to you…at least at first. Once you’ve practiced connecting your appreciation to whatever he has given or done, you can make more detailed requests so that you can get it exactly the way you want it.
Finally, remember: Men respond to appreciation for what they DO, and they shut down in the face of a woman’s disapproval, whether it’s disapproval for what they do or what they don’t do.
For more about how this dynamic works, and to discover the secret to having a FUN and FULFILLING relationship in a RELAXED and UNIQUE 2-day Alberta couples retreat, click here: Between Men and Women Alberta Couples Relationship Retreat
To Your Greatness!