July 10

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Money and Marriage: How to Have the “Talk”

defensiveness-in-marriage

If you want to stay married, or at least be happy in it, managing money and marriage is a must-have skill.

Few topics are as important as money and marriage. In fact, many studies say that financial issues are the leading cause of marital stress or even divorce!

Because the topic is so volatile, a lot of couples avoid it…at all costs. They never have the “money talk.”

That’s a mistake, and it doesn’t have to be as difficult as most believe it is. In this post we’ll look at:

  • The opportunity that being able to talk about money is for couples.
  • How men and women think about money differently.
  • How that understanding can open the door to having “the talk” successfully.

The “Money Talk” Opportunity


A major source of financial difficulties is an inability to talk about money. On the other hand, studies show that couples that are able to work together financially are happier, and generally, have more assets and financial resources.

The first step in working together, however, is being able to talk about money and marriage so you can create a plan. Now this is a big topic…too big to handle here fully. Here’s an important tip that can make a big difference.

Understanding Perspectives on Money Makes All the Difference


Men and women approach money differently. For their part, men are all about winning. When they see a goal, they want to go for it, and therefore, tend to be more aggressive around money. Men seek the straightest line between where they are and where they want to be.

Women, on the other hand, often have their radar on the lookout for what’s not safe. From an evolutionary biology perspective, women bear the kids. They’re also not as physically strong as men. As a result, they’ve developed other skills for managing danger. One of those is to be prepared for it. They see the big picture and scan the horizon for potential threats.

Understanding the Differences Leads to Different Results


It’s not difficult to see how these differences – men wanting to aggressively pursue a goal, and women wanting to ensure everything is safe – can cause conflict around money.
 
Take, for example, a couple who carries a sizable debt load. He may be less concerned about it because he knows he can work more to make the money to pay it off. His preference is resolution through production.
 
She might see this as risky and possibly unrealistic. She may prefer to focus on reducing expenses to free up the money for the debt. She may also be more open than him to seeking outside assistance (debt counselling, for instance) to get support in managing the debt.
 
When those different perspectives and approaches are known, the “money talk” is less likely to devolve into arguing and judgment, and more likely to be constructive and empathetic.

How to Get Workability in Every Area of Your Relationship


Obviously, the above is just one example and doesn’t cover how men and women react in other circumstances. This also isn’t to say that men and women never see eye-to-eye on money.

The above just points to the many opportunities there are for conflict in the area of money and marriage as a result of not understanding who your partner is and what’s really important to them. When you understand the other person, you can empathize, and empathy opens the door for win-win outcomes. 

Understanding your partner (and yourself for that matter) gives you access to better communication in every area of your marriage. It allows you to get into their world, and for them to get into yours…the perfect interaction that leads to connection and trust.

The best part is that you just have to be you. Nobody has to change. You are whole, perfect and complete just as you are, and so is your partner. In other words, you already have everything you need to make your relationship AWESOME! All that’s missing is a little information. Let me help!

Click here to get the secret to having a FUN and FULFILLING relationship in a RELAXED and UNIQUE 2 day Alberta couples retreat:

“Between Men and Women” Couples Relationship Retreat

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Tags

differences between men and women, how to talk about money with my spouse, money and marriage, the money talk


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