Donna has a favourite fork. Have you ever wondered what you can learn about your relationship from a fork?
In this post, we’ll discover 4 important qualities about men and women, that if embraced, could be a game-changer in your own relationship.
The Fork that Inspired It All
Donna’s fork is actually a really nice fork. Its heavy and sturdy. It has a wide base and long tongs. It always seems to be shiny, as if just polished. It feels really nice in the hand. It’s a good fork, and it’s Donna’s favourite.
I know it’s Donna’s favourite fork because she told me. Somewhere along the line she mentioned it to me in passing. A couple times when I happened to give Donna that fork at supper, and she was feeling playful, she would say, “Ah, my favourite fork. Thanks Jason.”
Now, I often find myself scrummaging through our cutlery drawer at supper time looking for that fork. I’ll dig to the bottom of the fork section of our cutlery tray just to get that fork. I know Donna likes it, and it makes me feel good doing things for her that I know she likes.
Here’s 4 Relationship Tips You Need to Know
Now, obviously we’re not writing this post to tell you about a fork. It really has nothing to do with the fork itself.
This post is about how men and women are together, particularly in the area of desire and production.
Here’s what we want you to get:
1) Don’t Keep Him Guessing…He Can’t Read Your Mind
“I know its Donna’s favourite fork because she told me.”
Donna tells me what she likes. She knows I can’t read her mind, so she doesn’t set me up to lose by having me guess what she wants. She will actually say, “I love it when…” or “I’d love to go to…” or whatever the case may be.
When Donna isn’t direct, I have to read between the lines. That can be fun, but if a guy has guessed in the past, was wrong and was zinged for it by the girl he is with, he will be reluctant to guess again. The potential loss is too big.
Make it easy for him to give you what you want by telling him what you want. You both win!
2) Appreciation and Gratitude Will Motivate Him
“Ah, my favourite fork. Thanks Jason.”
Donna is constantly thanking me for things I do for her. Whether it be the “little” things like taking the garbage out or the “big” things like a trip to Florida, Donna always let’s me know how much she appreciated it.
If this sounds like she’s “buttering up” my ego, what you need to see is that men are motivated by appreciation. It has them want to do more for you because it feels good. And there’s nothing a man wants more than to be at cause in your happiness. Again, you both win!
3) Paying Attention to Her Is Everything – Be Present!
“Now I often find myself scrummaging through our cutlery drawer at supper time looking for that fork.”
Guys, my giving Donna her favourite fork isn’t going to make her day. I know that. But it shows I’m paying attention and that I care about how she feels.
Again, this isn’t about the fork. It’s about how you are in life with her. Cherish her and pay attention to what’s going on with her. She loves this.
Attention completes the “energic circuit” between you both (i.e., her appreciation motivates you to pay attention to her, which gives her more to appreciate, so you offer more attention, and so on).
4) As a Women, What You Appreciate Him For Is Your Choice
Its so easy to fall into the rut of waiting for the big things to happen before expressing appreciation to your man – trips, gifts, incredible sex, paying off large bills, etc.
What about all the “little” things he does in between the big things?
- Taking the garbage out.
- Helping with supper.
- Going to work for the family.
- Being a great Dad.
- His sense of humour.
- His generosity or compassion or whatever traits you enjoy and admire.
- The list goes on!
The more time that goes by without his being appreciated, the less motivated he will be to produce for you and your family.
What’s awesome is that how often he is appreciated, and what he is appreciated for, is completely within a woman’s control.
His need for appreciation is similar to a woman’s need for connection and to be cherished. Both require ongoing and regular attention.
Experience the Production-Desire Flow Yourself
Try the following exercise for 1 week. Come back and tell us how it went by commenting below:
WOMEN:
PART 1: When you’re clear about what you want, let your guy know. No matter how big (e.g., the winter getaway to your dream destination) or small (e.g., your favourite piece of cutlery) let your guy know what you want. Don’t leave him guessing. When and how he delivers is up to him, but if he feels good and appreciated, he will deliver.
PART 2: Thank him for everything, especially the little things he does – like making you a cup of coffee, warming up the car in the morning, doing the dishes, etc. And then watch him move for you!
BONUS – If you really want to see him move tell him why you liked those things too.
MEN:
When you know what she wants, or what she likes, get it for her. Maybe getting it for her right away isn’t possible (like a trip that you can’t afford right now). In that case, show some movement in the direction of fulfilling the desire by:
- talking about it
- bringing home travel magazines
- talking about where she wants to go
It will show that you are listening and paying attention. Be creative, and watch the change in her. Let us know how it goes.
BONUS – Start planning to make that trip, or whatever it is, real. And let her know how it’s going so you can enjoy the growing excitement and success together.
Most important – HAVE FUN WITH THIS. If your relationship seems like work, life will seem like work.
Want to Go Deeper?
Production and Desire are both simple and complex at the same time.
When you understand the dynamics that make the production-desire process flow smoothly between you, your relationship and life will take on a new energy, vitality and connection.
To get that understanding, registering for a private, 1-on-1 “Between Men and Women” Couples Relationship Retreat today. For details visit:
“Between Men and Women” Couples Relationship Retreat
Get Connected…Feel Connected…Stay Connected.